d Pardon My Juice: Superpowers

Wednesday, January 11


(uhh, let's say four boys are running around playing tag. One stops:)

1. Let's play superpowers!
The rest. Yes, let's!
1. I have the power of flying!
2. I have the power to turn invisible!
3. I have the power to shoot fire from my hips!
4. I have the power to change men's souls!
(1, 2, 3, pause briefly, but continue playing)
3. Hey, I'm shooting fire at you!
2. Yeah, but you don't know where I am, so how can you shoot fire at me?
1. I'm flying around both of you and making a tornado to suck you both into the sky.
2. You're not Superman, you can just fly!
1. Well--
4. I'm teaching you all that love can heal all wounds!
(1, 2, 3, pause more noticibly, 2 rolls his eyes)
1. Fine, if I can't make a tornado, watch out because I'm about to ram into you faster than a speeding bullet!
2 and 3: You're not Superman, you can just fly!
1. Then I'm just going to ram into you as hard as I can. (he rams into 3 sort of hard)
4. I'm ascending to the right hand of God, where I will live in everlasting peace and harmony with my father and our creator!
(1 and 2 stop and sigh. 3 looks ashamed)
4. Wait, wait, first I have to be sacrificed on a cross with two petty criminals. (pause) C'mon guys, crucify me!
3. (quietly) I'm sorry guys. I never should have brought him to Sunday school with me.
2. Being Jesus is not a superpower.
1. That's why we stopped playing superheroes, so you'd stop being Jesus.
4. I'm not being Jesus, I just have the divine grace of God. That's my superpower.
3. I've told you a bunch Sammy, only Jesus has the divine grace of God while on Earth and Jesus isn't a superhero. At least not like The Human Torch or Colossus or something.
1. Yeah, just have super-strength or telekinesis or something.
4. But nothing's more super than making the weak strong with the word of--
2. Maybe you should just go home.
3. C'mon Sammy, I'll walk you home.


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