d Pardon My Juice: From the Journal of a Mad Man

Friday, October 7

From the Journal of a Mad Man


An entry from the Journal of Kellen Terrett, Clone (No relation) on the night he spent in Jail titled “A deliberate contemplation on my eventual fall into madness and the tyrant who caused it.”

“It all started on a gray Monday morning. I awoke from a deep sleep next to two co-eds whose names I couldn’t remember. Their smiles told me I had pleased them twice over the night before. I reflected on their supple naked bodies, before placing the silk sheets over them.

I walked into my state of the art kitchen and poured myself a warm cup of Brazilian Cold Pressed Coffee with an imported Cheese Danish from where ever the Danes are from. Looking out over the city from my penthouse always gets me ready for a day. I have a ritual where I read the morning paper while getting my first of four fully body massages. Today was Sadie, my favorite masseuse, a red head from Ohio with a Masters in Biophysics and Neolithic Folklore of the Canadian Rockies. She gives great hand jobs.

But I skipped the business pages this cruel morn and moved to the Funny Pages. I read my Hagrid the Horrible, my Blondie, and my Non Sequitur (which I Honestly still don’t understand why it’s funny). But as I folded the paper back I read my horoscope before concluding my paper with Pickles and eventually Get Fuzzy. It read ‘Remember in “Star Trek Two: Rath of Khan” when Spock dies, and Kirk is really sad. Well, that’s going to be your day, plus 9/11 and getting AIDS in one shitty sandwich. Four Stars.’ I thought nothing more.

I turned the paper over and saw the face of God and The Devil double-teaming my soul with and extra dick for my ear. The Comic {as seen above} was worse than watching squirrels and rabbits getting run over or seeing a home video of a fat women giving birth to a still born.

I just hope that man knows how much he has hurt me. I know this atrocity will be documented in history books as the day we stopped sitting in the back of the bus. Where we demanded the right to equal citizenship. Where we, the readers of the Funny Pages, said NO! NO MORE!”

Mr. Terrett died in Jail due to light saber injury. He was a millionaire playboy with a net worth of over 60 million dollars. This author cries for deceased.

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